[Says the mostly naked Renan Lord who spent over an hour ensuring every inch of his body was hairless, rose-scented and gleaming with oil, shooting Zephyr a scandalized look that's mostly for dramatic effect.]
I've been with plenty of men and women in the past, but all they ever gave me were their bodies. Never their hearts. I was simply a means to an end. Whether it was to inflate someone's ego, or elevate their standing in court.
If all I wanted was sex I could have found it with someone half as stubborn and complicated as a Dahnan rebel commander. Really, of everyone I could have chosen in all of Copalli, many of whom don't know my past and would easily excuse my sins-- of course it had to be you.
I'm always reaching for the stars, and you burn the most brightly of anyone I've ever met.
[A low laugh, eyes casting away. Face and throat burning. As a man who lived much of his life as a liar and a fraud, honesty has always come with great difficulty to Dohalim. To be vulnerable in Renan society comes at a great price, one he hadn't been willing to pay.
Until now.
There is nothing Dohalim wouldn't give to be with the man before him. He will find a way for them to be together, even if it takes him the rest of his life. The gods and magic of this word will rue they day they attempt to kept him from Zephyr's side.]
It isn't enough to share a bed. I want to share thoughts, feelings, a life... when I'm with you, I actually want to live. And I haven't wanted that for myself in some time.
You'd have to go to another city if you were going to bed anyone else, you know. I dunno if you've noticed but a lot of the Salamanders tend to have their noses in a book, plants or some sort of animal they're studying instead of paying attention to what's going on around them. Sometimes all three at once.
[ He hasn't pulled his head away yet, so Zephyr slides his hand further up his face and cards his fingers through that brilliant sea of red. Even if he gets exasperated with how he tends to wind up with so much of it in his face and on his pillow in the morning, he'll always be amazed at one thing:
How soft it is.
His mind drifts to a time when he'd do this with her, too. And Law. It was his way of connecting with them by doing something so trivial. His own was never long enough to toy with, so he'd simply make due with theirs. ]
I don't know if you know this or not but you're hardly the first person to call me stubborn. I heard it weekly back in Ulzebek, and I hear it in Salamander's voice here, too. And many of the other Salamanders. Even the old woman down the street calls me stubborn. If you're... If you're willing to put up with that and be patient, then...
I'll have you know I receive many a second glance as I take my afternoon strolls.
[An arched brow, taken slightly aback. Is Zephyr trying to tell him he isn't half as attractive as he thinks himself, or is he implying there are no better options and he's Dohalim's last resort? Either way, he isn't altogether thrilled by that particular comment.
Especially after Dohalim had bared his heart to Zephyr, and told him in no uncertain terms that he is the light of his life.]
I can handle stubborn, so long as you're actually willing. I'll admit... these past weeks, I did wonder if you were thinking about me at all.
It's difficult to want someone, not knowing if they see you the same way you see them. I know you've already had your great love, and I would never deign to think I could mean as much to you as she does, but I would hope I'm more than... a consolation prize.
[But then there's that hand in his curls, and Dohalim can't think past how good it feels to bask in the light of Zephyr's touch and attention, of which he has been left painfully wanting. Maybe it would be alright not to be the star in someone's eyes, as long as they could make you feel that way for a little while. Bits and pieces of true love and affection are more than someone with a heart as dark as his own is entitled to.
Dohalim closes his eyes, holding onto Zephyr's hand more tightly. More anxious than anticipating. He has no idea what's coming, and now he knows better than to assume.]
You never noticed the ones right in front of you, though.
[ He says it so quietly it may as well have been whispered to a moth cupped in his hands. A prayer to Mother Dahna herself, rather than another living, breathing person. He's barely even aware of it himself, but... It's out there. There's no taking it back now.
Only when Dohalim finally closes his eyes does Zephyr finally, finally steel himself. His forehead lifts from the Renan's, and he replaces that contact with a gentle press of dry lips. Another to the spot between his brows. Their noses bump together a little awkwardly, and Zephyr lingers for a moment. ]
I'll only ask this once, Dohalim. Don't... Don't compare yourself to her. I loved her. Love her still. But you're two different people. No matter how it sounds I'll never favor one over the other and to do so would be unfair to not just her, but you. It'd be unfair to everyone I've ever cared for. And... I'm pretty sure if I ever started to, she'd find a way to return from Mother Dahna to kick my ass across the entire continent and back.
[ Ducking his head down, Zephyr ghosts his lips over his cheek. Skips his mouth, and dips lower to bury his nose into the crook of his neck. If he focuses his senses he'd swear he could feel his pulse, but he can't linger. Taking a slow breath — one deep enough to draw more of that rose-scent in to placate the strange, almost wild urge he feels in the back of his mind — he does the one thing he never imagined he'd do willingly for another Renan.
He releases Dohalim's hair, takes both hands into his own (properly this time), and drops to one knee. He kneels. Head bowed. ]
You look at everyone with such warmth and kindness...
[Weakly, without any backbone behind it, because Zephyr is right. As he so often is. Zephyer does see Dohalim. All of him. Whether Dohalim wants him to or not.
All of the fear, insecurity, and anxiety threatening to overwhelm Dohalim for the past few weeks, compelling his turbulent thoughts and emotions, is dispatched by Zephyr's words with the same simple conviction as his fists.
A bitten back sob as Zephyr's lips break down the last of the defensive line he hadn't known he was holding. It shouldn't be possible for the Dahnan to fight and win the battles going on inside of Dohalim, but somehow Zephyr always does. Protecting him from himself the same as he would anyone else seeking to hurt him.]
I won't, I promise-- to you and Law.
[Dawning realization as Dohalim opens his eyes, and sees the Dahnan kneeling at his feet. He knows what it means. How couldn't he? Zephyr has spent his entire life standing tall beneath the crushing weight of Renan oppression, refusing to take a knee for any Lord, no matter their power.
His hands are shaking in Zephyr's hands, and before Dohalim can find it within himself to speak again, his falling tears are wetting their fingers.]
Oh. Oh my word. You're... you're ruining my eyeliner. Please get up.
[ The shaking doesn't go unnoticed, and in response Zephyr threads their fingers together and squeezes. Just once, and not harsh enough to cause discomfort but enough to offer some form of reassurance. It takes him a moment to stand back on his own two feet, though it's not because his knees are stiff. Rather he takes the opportunity to look up at Dohalim with a weary smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
It's strange. Part of him had been afraid to even think about doing such a thing lest it draw forth painful memories from a life before becoming a rebel. Another part had worried about seeing pity or worse, disappointment in those eyes of his.
Despite it all, he finds none of it. The only thing he feels is a sense of relief and a heavy weight sliding from his shoulders. It's alright. It's going to be okay. ]
You're the first Renan to ever say that.
[ It's a joke. A bad one, but a joke all the same. When he finally hauls himself up it's not to cradle Dohalim's face between his palms or even lean down to kiss him. Instead of doing the predictable, he ducks down just enough to grab hold of the Renan's thighs and lift until his head sits higher than his own. Both arms go under them to support him, and Zephyr leans in to press a kiss to bronze skin. ]
Be gentle with me, alright? Remember, it's been a few years.
[It really is a bad joke, and a worse retort, not that it stops Dohalim from laughing between sobs. He hardly has time to wipe his tears away before Zephyr is picking him up as if he were a feather. Dohalim's hands go to the Dahnan's broad shoulders, ankles locking delicately behind his back.]
I make no promises, but shall do my best to try.
[A smile down at Zephyr, capturing his mouth in a kiss that's anything but chaste. The time for sweetness and subtlety has surely passed, and after how long Dohalim has wanted to be with Zephyr, not to mention the entire day of preparation, he is more than ready to take this confrontation to the sheets.
They may not be the silk-satin of Dohalim's bed in Autelina, but they'll do.]
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[Says the mostly naked Renan Lord who spent over an hour ensuring every inch of his body was hairless, rose-scented and gleaming with oil, shooting Zephyr a scandalized look that's mostly for dramatic effect.]
I've been with plenty of men and women in the past, but all they ever gave me were their bodies. Never their hearts. I was simply a means to an end. Whether it was to inflate someone's ego, or elevate their standing in court.
If all I wanted was sex I could have found it with someone half as stubborn and complicated as a Dahnan rebel commander. Really, of everyone I could have chosen in all of Copalli, many of whom don't know my past and would easily excuse my sins-- of course it had to be you.
I'm always reaching for the stars, and you burn the most brightly of anyone I've ever met.
[A low laugh, eyes casting away. Face and throat burning. As a man who lived much of his life as a liar and a fraud, honesty has always come with great difficulty to Dohalim. To be vulnerable in Renan society comes at a great price, one he hadn't been willing to pay.
Until now.
There is nothing Dohalim wouldn't give to be with the man before him. He will find a way for them to be together, even if it takes him the rest of his life. The gods and magic of this word will rue they day they attempt to kept him from Zephyr's side.]
It isn't enough to share a bed. I want to share thoughts, feelings, a life... when I'm with you, I actually want to live. And I haven't wanted that for myself in some time.
no subject
[ He hasn't pulled his head away yet, so Zephyr slides his hand further up his face and cards his fingers through that brilliant sea of red. Even if he gets exasperated with how he tends to wind up with so much of it in his face and on his pillow in the morning, he'll always be amazed at one thing:
How soft it is.
His mind drifts to a time when he'd do this with her, too. And Law. It was his way of connecting with them by doing something so trivial. His own was never long enough to toy with, so he'd simply make due with theirs. ]
I don't know if you know this or not but you're hardly the first person to call me stubborn. I heard it weekly back in Ulzebek, and I hear it in Salamander's voice here, too. And many of the other Salamanders. Even the old woman down the street calls me stubborn. If you're... If you're willing to put up with that and be patient, then...
[ A half-shrug, and Zephyr exhales. ]
Close your eyes for a minute.
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[An arched brow, taken slightly aback. Is Zephyr trying to tell him he isn't half as attractive as he thinks himself, or is he implying there are no better options and he's Dohalim's last resort? Either way, he isn't altogether thrilled by that particular comment.
Especially after Dohalim had bared his heart to Zephyr, and told him in no uncertain terms that he is the light of his life.]
I can handle stubborn, so long as you're actually willing. I'll admit... these past weeks, I did wonder if you were thinking about me at all.
It's difficult to want someone, not knowing if they see you the same way you see them. I know you've already had your great love, and I would never deign to think I could mean as much to you as she does, but I would hope I'm more than... a consolation prize.
[But then there's that hand in his curls, and Dohalim can't think past how good it feels to bask in the light of Zephyr's touch and attention, of which he has been left painfully wanting. Maybe it would be alright not to be the star in someone's eyes, as long as they could make you feel that way for a little while. Bits and pieces of true love and affection are more than someone with a heart as dark as his own is entitled to.
Dohalim closes his eyes, holding onto Zephyr's hand more tightly. More anxious than anticipating. He has no idea what's coming, and now he knows better than to assume.]
no subject
[ He says it so quietly it may as well have been whispered to a moth cupped in his hands. A prayer to Mother Dahna herself, rather than another living, breathing person. He's barely even aware of it himself, but... It's out there. There's no taking it back now.
Only when Dohalim finally closes his eyes does Zephyr finally, finally steel himself. His forehead lifts from the Renan's, and he replaces that contact with a gentle press of dry lips. Another to the spot between his brows. Their noses bump together a little awkwardly, and Zephyr lingers for a moment. ]
I'll only ask this once, Dohalim. Don't... Don't compare yourself to her. I loved her. Love her still. But you're two different people. No matter how it sounds I'll never favor one over the other and to do so would be unfair to not just her, but you. It'd be unfair to everyone I've ever cared for. And... I'm pretty sure if I ever started to, she'd find a way to return from Mother Dahna to kick my ass across the entire continent and back.
[ Ducking his head down, Zephyr ghosts his lips over his cheek. Skips his mouth, and dips lower to bury his nose into the crook of his neck. If he focuses his senses he'd swear he could feel his pulse, but he can't linger. Taking a slow breath — one deep enough to draw more of that rose-scent in to placate the strange, almost wild urge he feels in the back of his mind — he does the one thing he never imagined he'd do willingly for another Renan.
He releases Dohalim's hair, takes both hands into his own (properly this time), and drops to one knee. He kneels. Head bowed. ]
...I'm willing.
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[Weakly, without any backbone behind it, because Zephyr is right. As he so often is. Zephyer does see Dohalim. All of him. Whether Dohalim wants him to or not.
All of the fear, insecurity, and anxiety threatening to overwhelm Dohalim for the past few weeks, compelling his turbulent thoughts and emotions, is dispatched by Zephyr's words with the same simple conviction as his fists.
A bitten back sob as Zephyr's lips break down the last of the defensive line he hadn't known he was holding. It shouldn't be possible for the Dahnan to fight and win the battles going on inside of Dohalim, but somehow Zephyr always does. Protecting him from himself the same as he would anyone else seeking to hurt him.]
I won't, I promise-- to you and Law.
[Dawning realization as Dohalim opens his eyes, and sees the Dahnan kneeling at his feet. He knows what it means. How couldn't he? Zephyr has spent his entire life standing tall beneath the crushing weight of Renan oppression, refusing to take a knee for any Lord, no matter their power.
His hands are shaking in Zephyr's hands, and before Dohalim can find it within himself to speak again, his falling tears are wetting their fingers.]
Oh. Oh my word. You're... you're ruining my eyeliner. Please get up.
I would much rather kiss you than stand over you.
no subject
It's strange. Part of him had been afraid to even think about doing such a thing lest it draw forth painful memories from a life before becoming a rebel. Another part had worried about seeing pity or worse, disappointment in those eyes of his.
Despite it all, he finds none of it. The only thing he feels is a sense of relief and a heavy weight sliding from his shoulders. It's alright. It's going to be okay. ]
You're the first Renan to ever say that.
[ It's a joke. A bad one, but a joke all the same. When he finally hauls himself up it's not to cradle Dohalim's face between his palms or even lean down to kiss him. Instead of doing the predictable, he ducks down just enough to grab hold of the Renan's thighs and lift until his head sits higher than his own. Both arms go under them to support him, and Zephyr leans in to press a kiss to bronze skin. ]
Be gentle with me, alright? Remember, it's been a few years.
no subject
[It really is a bad joke, and a worse retort, not that it stops Dohalim from laughing between sobs. He hardly has time to wipe his tears away before Zephyr is picking him up as if he were a feather. Dohalim's hands go to the Dahnan's broad shoulders, ankles locking delicately behind his back.]
I make no promises, but shall do my best to try.
[A smile down at Zephyr, capturing his mouth in a kiss that's anything but chaste. The time for sweetness and subtlety has surely passed, and after how long Dohalim has wanted to be with Zephyr, not to mention the entire day of preparation, he is more than ready to take this confrontation to the sheets.
They may not be the silk-satin of Dohalim's bed in Autelina, but they'll do.]